Friday: son returns home for Passover
Saturday: wakes, heinously dizzy and vomiting, at 5am
Sunday: stumbles in a stupor, slices open arm, goes to ER
Monday: goes to primary care doctor, who bumps him back to ER
Tuesday: learns he had a stroke
Wednesday: learns he had two strokes, not just the one
Thursday: learns strokes were likely due to heart defects (patent foramen ovale and atrial-septal aneurysm)
Friday: discharged on rat poison anti-coagulant Coumadin, which will help to prevent against strokes but which could prove lethal if he falls. ...and he falls all the time.
One of the toughest parts of this experience was dealing with the diversity of expert medical opinions. Gwooly is friends with many neurologists given the nature of his work, and we appreciate that they all want to see him get well, but it's quite a family challenge to pick the best of shitty options when each different doctor says his unique plan is better than all the others.
Over the weekend we baby-proofed the house; cooked almost 30 meals for two; scheduled PT, OT, VNA; follow-ups in Cardiology, Primary Care, and Neurology. Picked up prescriptions, learned a new diet regimen, and are attempting to teach Gwooly to focus on walking and moving when walking and moving and leaving the windmills of his mind for further exploration when seated.
I assume the worry and stress goes almost without saying: I am terribly nervous that my dad will have another stroke or that he'll bleed out somewhere (or inside) after a typical nasty fall. There's also the less obvious stress--namely that my mom has to now be the sole person to cook, clean, lift anything over 20 lbs, remind him when to take his pills, can't leave him alone in the house for any extended periods, watch out for his walking, cater to his dietary needs, make sure he monitors blood levels for key indicators of medicine's effectiveness, and a whole lot more. I guess one blessing of sorts is that she's already accustomed to doing a lot of this. But I'm VERY nervous that this will be too much stress for her. I need Gwooly to take ownership of as much of this as he can, but it's a challenge for him, because he's stereotypical Jewish husband and she's stereotypical Jewish wife. To an extent--albeit a small one, I think--they signed up for this willingly. But her being his nursemaid is an altogether different story. But he does need a nursemaid, and I don't want him not to have one. I just wish we had enough money so we could hire a nurse so my mom could still be mom/wife not mom/wife/caretaker. I am also worried that their lives will be too dry going forward. He isn't even willing to make himself lunch, let alone go on a day trip or vacation. And it's their 30th anniversary this summer. But it's early yet; hopefully we'll all adjust to this and life will continue rather normally. Here's to hoping. [insert masculine gesture]
My mom helped me to understand, year after year, that there's always a silver lining. Here are some glimmers:
- My dad's foot and shin swelling has mysteriously disappeared.
- One of Gwooly's neurologist buddies referred to my friend who moved off to Europe to become a migrant farmer for fun. He told me I should not do the same. I was ASTOUNDED to learn not only that my dad would have told this to his colleague who retained it, but that my dad was aware and interested enough in such nuance of "my" life that it even hit his memory bank. Flabbergasted and heartily impressed, thankful, and happy.
- Gwooly is having an easier time getting up from the couch.
- Gwooly is--hopefully!--beginning to learn to reprioritize between work and family.
- I am a thousand times more appreciative of Gwooly and Kiwi.
- I am impressed with Kiwi and Gwooly's network of supportive friends.
- I am impressed with a few of my supportive friends.
Key Considerations:
- Need to not sweat the small stuff and instead appreciate my family and friends for what they are.
- This makes my boston life seem a lot less wretched.
- This makes returning to boston (instead of staying home with family) feel very scary.
- Kiwi and Gwooly WANT me to go to boston and have a normal life.
- Part of me thinks they're right, in that once I no longer have them (poo poo poo), I'll be all alone.
- I am not very interested in getting drunk in case I need to come home for an emergency.
- I see health as a HUGELY important part of life now. I might as well start behaving accordingly by dieting hardcore, gymming hardcore, and doing all these things healthily so as not to jeopardize my muscles, organs, or wellness. In fact, I want to see about using my dad's inabilities in these areas as motivation for me to do as well as I can for the both of us.
- My identity is currently shifted tremendously toward jason-as-part-of-family instead of jason-as-individual.
Oh, and I'm utterly spent.
